Archive for December, 2010

On Christmas Shopping

The final days of the Christmas shopping period bring out Christmas trolls; groups of short, fat beings with unpleasant odours and a constantly agitated look on their face. Christmas trolls cannot walk at a pace faster than 1km/h, and tend to walk in groups of three to five, always side by side, often stopping randomly in walkways to converse about nonsense, clogging the flow of foot traffic and causing annoyance to a great many.

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On Crazy Taxi’s DD Release

Crazy Taxi without the soundtrack and the fatties wanting to go to KFC/Pizza Hut is not Crazy Taxi.

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On Game of the Year Awards

Things that will likely result in your game not getting a nomination
– Being released before October
– Being released on the Wii
– Not being a shooter

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On The Spike VGAs

Ads. Pre-rendered trailers. Ads. Sponsor name drop. Ads. Casually rush through bunch of irrelevant awards, which are given to games you don’t give a shit about/don’t deserve recognition/came out in the last two months. More sponsor name dropping. D-List celebrities making awkward jokes. Ads.

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On Artsy Games

Braid and Limbo are the video game medium’s equivalent of Oscar bait, and Eternity’s Child is what happens when you go “full retard”.

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